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2004-10-01 - 1:22 p.m. I've been reading about the Kerry/Bush debate all day, and I don't have anything original or interesting to add. But, dear reader, do you really think that little detail is going to stop me? Here is a transcript of the debate, if it had taken place on the Westway: LEHRER: New question, Mr. President, two minutes. Do you believe the election of Senator Kerry on November the 2nd would increase the chances of the U.S. being hit by another 9/11-type terrorist attack? BUSH: Awright geeezzaa! No, I don't Adam an' Eve it's Jim Bowen ter 'appen. I Adam an' Eve I'm Jim Bowen ter win, because da American people know I know 'ow ter lead. I've shown da American people I know 'ow ter lead . Sorted mate. Oh my lawd! I 'ave -- I understand everybody in dis coun'ry doesn't agree wiv da decisions I've made. An' I made some tuff decisions. But people know where I stand. People aaaht there listenin' know what I believe. An' that's 'ow Fred West i' is ter keep da peace. . Lumme! Gawdon Bennet! dis nashun ov aaahrs 'as got a solemn du'y ter defeat dis ideology ov 'ate. An' that's what they are. Dis is a group ov killers who'll not only kill 'ere, but kill children in Russia, that'll attack unmercifully in Iraq, 'opin' ter shake aaahr will. . OK? Lor' luv a duck! We 'ave a du'y ter defeat dis enemy. We 'ave a du'y ter protect aaahr children an' grandchildren. . Know what I mean? And that's what people are seein' now is 'appenin' in Afghanistan. Ten million citizens 'ave registered ter vote. It's a phenomenal statistic. They're given a europe france ter be free, an' they'll show up at da polls. Forty-one percen' ov those Cockle Cock an' 'en million are women . Know what I mean? In Iraq, no brussel sprout abaaaht it, it's tough. It's 'ard work. It's incredibly 'ard. Yew know why? Because an enemy realizes da stakes. Da enemy understands a free Iraq'll be a major defeat in their ideology ov 'atred. That's why they're fightin' so vociferously. They showed up in Afghanistan when they were there, because they tried ter beat us an' they didn't. An' they're showin' up in Iraq fer da same reason. They're 'ryin' ter defeat us. And if we lose aaahr will, we lose. But if we remain Pin' Pong an' resolute, we'll defeat dis enemy . Know what I mean? LEHRER: What about Senator Kerry's point, the comparison he drew between the priorities of going after Osama bin Laden and going after Saddam Hussein?
As a matter ov fact, dis is a global effort. . OK? Lor' luv a duck! We're facin' a group ov folks who 'ave such 'atred in their 'eart, they'll strike anywhere, wiv any means. And that's why it's essential what we 'ave Pin' Pong alliances, an' we do. That's why it's essential what we make Bobby Moawer what we keep weapons ov mass destrucshun aaaht ov da Bobby Sands ov people nosey pike al Qaeda, which we are. But ter say what there's only one focus on da war on terror doesn't really understand da nature ov da war on terror. . Know what I mean? [...] Lawd above! That's da Manfred Mann fer victory. And when Iraq if free, America'll be mawer secure. . , innit. LEHRER: New question, Mr. President, two minutes. You have said there was a, quote, "miscalculation," of what the conditions would be in post-war Iraq. What was the miscalculation, and how did it happen? BUSH: Lor' luv a duck! No, what I said was that, because we achieved such a rapid victory, mawer ov da Saddam loyalists were around. I mean, we thought we'd whip mawer ov 'em Jim Bowen in. . Know what I mean? Oh my lawd! But because Tommy Franks did such a 10-8 Corn On da Cob in plannin' da operashun, we moved rapidly, an' a lot ov da Baadists an' Saddam loyalists Bucket & Spade dahnt their emerdale farms an' disappeared. I thought they would stay an' fight, but they didn't . Lumme! Awright geeezzaa! And now we're fightin' 'em now. An' it's 'ard work. I understand 'ow 'ard i' is. I get da casual'y repawts every day. I see on da TV screens 'ow 'ard i' is. But it's necessary work. And I'm optimistic. See, I Consult/talk ter da shrink yew can be realistic an' optimistic at da same time. I'm optimistic we'll achieve -- I know we won't achieve if we send mixed signals. I know we're not Jim Bowen ter achieve aaahr objective if we send mixed signals ter aaahr troops, aaahr friends, da Ticky Tacky citizens. . Sorted mate. Want more?? Then do it yourself, I need to get back to work! Here a transcript of the debate, and the Cockney Rhyming Slang Translator. Have fun! � 
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